Day 2- The Unrequited

Its startling when you realize you have been devoted without hope of that love being returned. Knowing from the very start that your heart would go unmatched, unclaimed. Realizing that regardless of how hard and deep your love runs, it can also be the tie that binds you up and keeps you from truly shaking free.

There has been shame in loving without warrant, without reciprocation. A provocative quest to change minds and shift intention. Stepping into the battle of unrequited love a warrior looking to conquer; only to walk away battered, bruised and reluctant.

These scars become sacred. These scars are revered. These scars give way to a transcendent yearning, a most perfect, willing love.  Indebted forever to those unrequited loves who taught me to first to love myself.

 

Winter

Skin white as winter, hard to reach.

Crystals nestled under the bed of her nails.

A cry buried. Waiting. A scream so necessary yet she simply cannot fix her mouth to make a noise.

If I touch you, will you break? Shattered. Among the rubble, the ruin…winter.

Strewn about, perplexed by Beauty. Light.

Free. It’s Yours.

Take this. Your grimace confirms your worth.

Again, waiting ever so patiently. Cold piling up all around.

Cold in numbers reminiscent of grains of sand in a desert so vast…one cannot see, winter.

Gil told you about winter. In America. How can it be so cold?

America. The healers have gone.

Your grimace confirms your worth.

 

 

 

 

 

Untitled

I fought for you…
I allowed my guard to leave its post..I stand unprotected.
Yet, I am willing to lay down my arms for you…my scars obvious,
Evidence in the tears that soak your shirt..I feel at home here…
listening to your heart beat, praying it spoke my name,
constant, repeating, repeating, repeating a rhythm only I can hear.
I am listening, anxious and forgiven…
apologies for standing in the rain when its you that has called me to shelter.
My mouth pursed to scream out how sorry I am for falling against the weight of this easy love.
No, no, no apologies, nirvana…
I am most alive against your skin.
I can breathe when you share your breath with me..I can taste the life that escapes your lips,
sweet indica and promises of days ahead to get me through this moment right now…
I struggle to feel worthy though I am begging you to keep from going numb to this…
Faded, this pain in my chest seems to swallow me on most occasions.
Sitting at the edge of the bed, seemingly worlds away…
merely praying for that hands that tie my thoughts to let me go, loosen the grip…
let me get lost in a place unseen until your eyes invited me in…don’t remind me how fragile, how temporary-
this all could be- the last love I ever know, a matter of perspective and I am unable to change the view-after all, I fought for you….

This Night

On this night, I rolled over waiting for the brown warmth of your skin to touch mine

like a secret mission I couldn’t tell you I needed you closer,but I moved in

making my way towards the place that feels most like home.

I feel this way most nights when you’re on your side and I’m on mine

don’t get me wrong I love my space

but I prefer you in it,

prefer you spend it making my body sing sweet and wet.

You know the language only my body speaks and when my mouth can’t find the words,

you finish my sentence, my thoughts.

Turn to this life we live and how I dreamed of it long before…

how it now feels over and just beginning all at once…

how the feeling of wholeness has absorbed all traces of the scraps left behind by those who were never worthy in the first place,

in the first moment when they were even considered…

this wholeness has been delivered by the warmth of your brown skin and protected by the sticky bliss that I lick from my lips after they have met yours.

It’s over….

I no longer have to wait, you have arrived and when it feels as tho the absence of anticipation might drag me down I realize my path has gotten wider,

enough room for you to walk beside me, tapering in short distances where you’ve carried me already…

my path has become much more than a way to my last days but a way to my last daze having spent it soaked in a love that couldn’t be topped by anything less than a spiritual exchange, a love resting gently in the stars, having waited to be plucked at that perfect moment-

my sky, my universe came to earth, manifested as man, my man…you hold my hand, I can’t seem to let you go, fading into you, into the moon….I’ll follow you….