Day 4- Dancing

(I have to double-up today…I missed Day 4 yesterday…dange it.)

Dancing used to make me sweaty and happy at least four nights a week.

Dancing used to provide a much-needed release to what I thought were monumental woes, jam-packed into what truly was a worry-free life.

Dancing stopped when I became an emotionally, verbally abused wife and mother.

Among the ruins of my first marriage, dancing was dying too.

Somehow, my insides have always known how integral dancing is to my happiness.

Now the dancing I do is in my kitchen while four little ones bounce around me, giggling and more excited as the song plays on….

Now the dancing I do is in secret, in my bathroom when my outfit is especially cute and my lipstick is right.

Now the dancing I do is out of freedom and love, out of rebirth and redemption.

Untitled #3

God
Everybody wants to pontificate
Eyes rolling
I mean like gawd
Everybody wants to pontificate
Perpetrate some sort of fraud
Speculate on another’s character
In retort, the witty

(unpredictable shots is critical to analytical analogy)

work to create the very best in social media posts, flanked with hashtags
saved in eternity.

Can’t you see this is spiritual?!
God…
breath ragged
in my mind I have started revolutions.
I just can’t seem to stick with the cause
it burdens my brain
when I just wanna be
free.

Untitled

I fought for you…
I allowed my guard to leave its post..I stand unprotected.
Yet, I am willing to lay down my arms for you…my scars obvious,
Evidence in the tears that soak your shirt..I feel at home here…
listening to your heart beat, praying it spoke my name,
constant, repeating, repeating, repeating a rhythm only I can hear.
I am listening, anxious and forgiven…
apologies for standing in the rain when its you that has called me to shelter.
My mouth pursed to scream out how sorry I am for falling against the weight of this easy love.
No, no, no apologies, nirvana…
I am most alive against your skin.
I can breathe when you share your breath with me..I can taste the life that escapes your lips,
sweet indica and promises of days ahead to get me through this moment right now…
I struggle to feel worthy though I am begging you to keep from going numb to this…
Faded, this pain in my chest seems to swallow me on most occasions.
Sitting at the edge of the bed, seemingly worlds away…
merely praying for that hands that tie my thoughts to let me go, loosen the grip…
let me get lost in a place unseen until your eyes invited me in…don’t remind me how fragile, how temporary-
this all could be- the last love I ever know, a matter of perspective and I am unable to change the view-after all, I fought for you….